


A Bird-Brained Chase

by Kelly_the_Ferret



Series: Leviathan Depths [12]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2019-12-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:00:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21683356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelly_the_Ferret/pseuds/Kelly_the_Ferret
Summary: Our trio of celestials organize a sea voyage, hoping to follow their enormous bird to the missing leviathan.
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Gabriel/Raphael (Good Omens)
Series: Leviathan Depths [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538272
Kudos: 11





	A Bird-Brained Chase

Commodore Tennison of the Royal Navy was not having a good morning. He had just received a second report from a Captain under his command. Both reports were ludicrous to the point of disbelief. The officer was unfamiliar with protocols for handling pranks of this magnitude, and he did not look forward to explaining any of this to his higher ups.

If Captains Lawrence and Holt were to be believed, two huge underwater features had been discovered in the Channel early that morning. The reports indicated that the identical structures were a quarter of a kilometer apart and positioned slightly offset to one another. Tennison poured himself a drink and worried over how he would avoid calling the structures "bird foot-like" or "toe-patterned."

If the Ziz had forgotten her instruction to remain invisible, the Commodore's job would have been much easier, as the Naval crews would see magnificent legs jutting out of the water above the Questionable Trenches. As it was, the Royal Navy were preparing to send submarine drones to investigate the large depressions they'd observed in the Channel floor. 

Meanwhile in Portsmouth, a pair of gentlemen were negotiating the hire of an expedition yacht. The American seemed determined to give as little information as possible about the voyage's purpose and destination, while the Englishman talked incessantly about creature comfort features. Once an exceeding amount of money was made available, the gentlemen were offered the use of the "Wreckless Wonder," a 50-foot veteran of the Arctic.

Down at the docks, final preparations were being made for a hastily-organized sea voyage. Newt was supervising (without touching) the assembly of a beacon unit to go around the Ziz's leg. Vince was counting and re-counting a stack of bulging, matching suitcases while Crowley sat on the Bentley's running board with his cheek resting against a flawless door. Anathema accepted a pocket crystal ball from Naboo to keep communication open, and Bollo awkwardly rebuffed Howard when he offered the gorilla a hug. "Just get Behemoth to roar," he grunted.

The two angels arrived on the scene and led the way to the Wonder. The team was loaded and underway within the hour. 

The first task before them involved tagging the Ziz. Once the yacht had dodged the Navy drones and was within reach of one of the bird's legs, the task became daunting. Aziraphale agreed to fly a heavy steel cable around the leg's circumference, but the flight took a full minute to complete. The shorter angel was red-faced and puffing when his feet were back on the deck. 

"I guess I'd better give her the command to find the Behemoth, then," Gabriel noted, and the party found that they were the first witnesses to an archangel's flight in at least 8,000 years. Two enormous golden wings unfolded from Gabriel's back, accompanied by six smaller pairs of matching wings on his elbows, knees, and ankles. Crowley was shocked to find his breath caught in his throat as he observed how the shining feathers perfectly complemented the ancient being's lavender suit and eyes. With a wild gust, the figure shot skyward.

Newt approved the homing device's activation, and the monitor screen was passed to Howard.

"How did I get bird wrangling duty?" he demanded from under a yellow rain hat.

"Because we all slept through your five hour didactic on bird keeping and taxonomy last summer," Vince reminded the dedicated outdoorsman.

"Well that's great!" the northerner retorted. "And who's going to steer the boat, sir? I think you'll find you've just given up your most experienced seaman!"

The two remaining celestials on deck exchanged looks and snorted. Anathema rolled her eyes.

Howard threw his hands in the air, looking extremely offended, and continued to huff. Vince leaned over to Crowley and whispered, "Oi, could you whip up some photos of adorable kittens?" while waggling his fingers. He winced and added, "I didn't have room for any in my luggage! We're off to a bad start, and if he starts getting more worked up, the photos are the only thing to quiet him."

Just then the sea began to heave as the blinking beacon started to move upwards.

Meteorologists were puzzled to account for the source of an intense blast of air that buffeted across the Channel for about twenty seconds that day, and the Wreckless Wonder was not the only craft that nearly capsized when the ocean rippled with unexpected choppy seas.

Howard stared intently at the small Ziz-sion and shouted, "South by Southwest! Let's go!" 

The crew raced into the wheelhouse.

* * * * *

Vince was grinning at the wheel as the Wreckless moved into the open ocean, while Crowley lounged in a nearby chair throwing out names of famous rockers for him to emulate. "I can do Bowie all day!" the glittery helmsman laughed. The yacht surged with demonic speed as it plunged deeper into international waters.

The demon turned his head and gazed at his best friend with adoring eyes behind dark lenses. The angel was, at that moment, having an animated discussion with Howard and Newt at a table across the room. 

Vince hushed his voice and continued to grin. "Crowley, you old love-sick dog. Naboo's been talking about the two of you for ages. 'The demon who follows an angel to the ends of the Earth,' that's what he calls you in stories. That I should live to see the day you two star-crossed lovers finally get together!"

Crowley crossed his arms and swung his head back towards the glam-rocker. "Well, it only made sense to move my plants to the bookshop; I mean what better way to threaten them than to surround them with the pulped corpses of their ancestors?"

It just so happened that Sergeant Shadwell was at the shop, threatening to mash a ficus into paper, at that very moment.

"Besides, this change to the Arrangement seems to make him happy," the demon added with a cavalier hand wave in Aziraphale's direction.

"Oh really?" Vince challenged with a laugh. "That's not what Anathema says!"

The witch's nose popped out of her book and she stared out the front window with alarm. "Look out!" she hissed.

The gaudy sailor whirled around and peered over the wheel to search for the threat. When he found none, the witch shrugged and said, "Must have been a dodo bird."

Just then Gabriel wandered into the wheelhouse and joined the academics at their table. Anathema watched a doubtful shadow move across Crowley's face. She pulled her chair over to form a close triangle with the demon and helmsman.

"And what are you gonna do about that?" she whispered at Crowley, jerking the top of her head at the archangel.

"I don't know, wipe the stench of Beelzebub off him?!" the demon hissed with a scowl.

Vince chortled.

The witch swatted Crowley's knee and hissed back, "You're gonna keep feeling that way whenever you see him until you make up your mind!"

"What's there to decide?! I used to care for him before. I care for Aziraphale now," he spat, clearly repulsed at having to utter any of those words out loud.

"Then why does he bother you so much?! Besides, Aziraphale already told you he wants you to be happy!"

"I AM HAPPY!" Crowley growled quietly.

Vince sucked in air. Anathema stared pointedly.

Vince leaned toward the demon and said, "Mate, you mean you've been given a hall pass and you're arguing with yourself right through it?"

The demon frowned and looked away.

Vince added, "Look, all I'm saying is, it's not weird for couples to let one another fancy someone. I've had even had both halves of the same couple ask to spend the weekend with me!"

"Yes, well, I'm not most people!" the demon spat.

Crowley became aware that the conversation had stopped at the other table.

"Everything alright over there, love?" Newt called.

Anathema relaxed and smiled. "Oh fine, we were just arguing about dinner!" she called.

Crowley jumped in with, "Chocolate torte for dessert and that's final!"


End file.
